November 7, 2024

​Last week, I wrote about how we sometimes need to leave our safe spaces, to step out into the world, in order to be productive and take on the tasks that face us. This week feels like a very different sort of week, a week when we need our safe spaces, the comfort that comes from connection with each other, the sense of security and hope that many of us feel ebbing away in the wake of the election results. For many of us, the prospect of going out into the world seems impossible right now. We need to recenter ourselves, find our way back to solid ground. 
 
Tefillah, prayer, has always been a meaningful part of my spiritual life. In particular, the recitation of Psalms, both in the context of the siddur and as a standalone practice, has helped me find comfort and balance. Sometimes, a certain verse surprises me, hitting me in a new and penetrating way and then becoming a focus for me in my davening for a time. Sometimes it is the act of reciting, repeating the familiar words, that calms me. Sometimes it’s a powerful melody that gives the words new resonance, and listening or singing helps restore my equilibrium.
 
A good number of years ago, I was going through an extremely difficult time in my personal life. The situation was causing me a great deal of anxiety, and I regularly felt hopeless and powerless. Therapy helped, as did time with friends, but those supports weren’t available to me at all of the times when I felt myself being pulled out to sea. 
 
A friend of mine who lives in the Hasidic community knew about my struggles and shared with me a practice she had learned about using psalms, specifically Psalm 119, to seek God’s help. Full disclosure: the theology of this practice didn’t work for me then and doesn’t work for me now. And the practice seems motivated by not a little magical thinking. 
 
Here’s how it worked: Psalm 119 is an alphabetical acrostic, with 8 verses for each letter of the Hebrew alphabet. I was to use the verses of the psalm to spell out the person’s name for whom I wanted God’s help, followed by the verses that began with the letters קרע שטן, meaning “tear up Satan.” By reciting these verses, I was calling on God to destroy the evil forces that were negatively affecting the person whose name I spelled out with the verses. God would be moved by my use of the biblical text in this way and would intervene in my situation. 
 
At the time, the magical thinking aspect of it resonated with me. Although I didn’t believe that such divine intervention was within the realm of possibility, I was feeling desperate. I figured that it couldn’t hurt. And it actually helped. 
 
As I would read through the appropriate verses of the psalm, the words would become like a meditation. My breathing would slow, my heartbeat becoming more regulated. It also took a long time to complete the ritual, leaving me feeling at the end like I had accomplished something. My difficult situation had remained the same, but I was changed by doing this. 
 
I’ve heard from so many people over these last couple of days that we’re feeling despair, fear for our children, uncertainty about our collective future. With that in mind, I want to offer as a prayer some of the words of Psalm 119, sending out an intention that the anxiety we’re feeling will soon abate, that we’ll be ready to step back into our lives, prepared for all that faces us. 
 
I call with all my heart;
answer me, O LORD…
I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope for Your word.
Hear my voice as befits Your steadfast love;
O LORD, preserve me, as is Your rule.
You, O LORD, are near,
and all Your commandments are true.
See my affliction and rescue me,
for I have not neglected Your teaching.
Your mercies are great, O LORD;
as is Your rule, preserve me.
Truth is the essence of Your word;
Your just rules are eternal.
I have done what is just and right;
do not abandon me to those who would wrong me.
My eyes pine away for Your deliverance,
for Your promise of victory.
I am Your servant;
give me understanding,
that I might know Your decrees.
I hate and abhor falsehood;
I love Your teaching.
Those who love Your teaching enjoy well-being;
they encounter no adversity.
I hope for Your deliverance, O LORD.
Teach me good sense and knowledge,
for I have put my trust in Your commandments.
It was good for me that I was humbled,
so that I might learn Your laws.
I prefer the teaching You proclaimed
to thousands of gold and silver pieces.
Your word is a lamp to my feet,
a light for my path.
 
Shabbat shalom.