Having Hard Conversations

Yesterday, I had the honor of attending a Baltimore Board of Rabbis meeting where our special guests were Senator Ben and Myrna Cardin. We hosted them, as Senator Cardin begins his retirement, to take the opportunity to offer our gratitude for his decades of public service and to both appreciate and learn from the ways his calling to serve is motivated by his deeply held Jewish values.

In his remarks to us, Senator Cardin reflected on the experiences that had been most powerful, most meaningful in his long career. Over and over again, he spoke about the importance of engaging deeply in conversation with people who have different perspectives than we do. He attributed much of his success as a lawmaker to his willingness to reach across the aisle - something he did with great frequency and skill. And he offered us a charge, reminding us that our divided and highly-charged political climate permeates all corners of American life, and that the only way to combat the mistrust that has taken hold is to be willing to talk and listen to one another.

In essence, he told us that we need to have the hard conversations.

Senator Cardin spoke about how he sees his role that he’s now out of the Senate - he’s on a crusade, he said, to get young people to learn history. Studying history gives people a window into the lives of others. It provides students with a sense that their own experience of the world is not the only experience. It enables us to see outside ourselves and to approach others with curiosity and openness. 

When you know that your way is not the only way, you can hear what others have to say without being defensive. You can build relationships and coalitions. These relationships between people and communities of diverse backgrounds, said Senator Cardin, are the path toward creating an alternate narrative of what it means to be American right now. 

His message could not have been more timely or more needed, given where we are as a nation and what we see just ahead on the horizon. 

It also resonates deeply with our work as a community to practice engaging in conversations across our differences. We spoke extensively about this over the High Holidays this past fall, made it a key feature of our community meeting in November, and have begun to engage in addressing the issues that have historically driven a wedge between us. Even though we’re really just getting started with this work, I was heartened to hear from Senator Cardin that he sees having difficult conversations as essential to the ongoing health, not only of our individual communities, but also of our nation. 

Having these kinds of conversations is hard work and will likely make us all at least a little bit uncomfortable in the process of drawing us more closely together. Hearing Senator Cardin’s reflections at this mile-marker in his tremendous career served as a reminder to me that having difficult conversations has long been an important part of strengthening communities. Being able to engage with each other deeply and honestly through our differences is not at all a new idea. It 
is, however, one to which we should devote renewed effort and attention. Over the coming months, I’m looking forward to continuing our learning together and finding more and more opportunities to open our minds and our hearts to each other.

Shabbat shalom.

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