Alone

I’ve been thinking this week about the experience of being alone. I see it in many ways throughout Parashat Hukkat - the dual losses of Miriam and Aaron leaving the people without much of the leadership that grounded their time in the wilderness; the desperation that comes from their lack of water and the sense of being without help; Edom rejecting the Israelites’ request to walk through their land, leaving them alone to figure out the next steps of their journey. We see in the parashah some of the darker shades of being and feeling alone. Even the Haftarah, the story of Yiftah and his terrible vow, demonstrates the tragic side of feeling and acting alone. 

Being alone can indeed be a challenging and painful experience. I’ve certainly been feeling some of that this week. With my summer custody schedule - the kids alternating weeks between me and their father - I’ve had to become accustomed to an emptier house than I’m used to. Everything is too quiet and the lack of parenting-related structure to my days has made it hard for me to feel as productive as I usually do. The brutal heat has kept me indoors where it’s air conditioned more than I usually would be. Even when I have been with others, I’ve wanted to keep my distance in order to allow my body to cool off as much as possible. 

A couple of months ago I heard a story on NPR about the epidemic of loneliness in America. I had turned on my car in the middle of the story, so I didn’t catch everything, but I do remember being intrigued by the idea that was shared about alone-ness and loneliness not necessarily being the same thing. The reporter explained that it is the quality of people’s connections to each other that matters most. One can be surrounded by people and feel deeply lonely. 

While I agree with the story’s message that forging meaningful relationships with others can have both psychological and physical health benefits, I want to take a moment to flip that idea around and connect to the blessings of being alone. 

Reflecting on my experience of being alone, especially on “off weeks” like this one, I appreciate the opportunity to focus on myself a little bit more. I’ve been sleeping longer and better, listening to my body’s needs and attending to them, taking a break from my usual hustle and bustle, getting lost in a few different books, even daydreaming a little. The little bit of freedom from some of my typical responsibilities has made room for me to be more mindful and enjoy my solitude. 

This is a time of year when many of us take breaks from our usual routines and obligations. We go on vacations, take time off from work (and even from shul - I missed us being together last week!). Whether meaning to or not, we retreat from each other. But being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. My wish for us is that our times of aloneness provide us with the break we need to be with ourselves, care for ourselves, and renew ourselves. Enriched in this way, our reunions will be that much sweeter. 

Shabbat shalom.


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